I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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