Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize