Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
