PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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