Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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