He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
