You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
