Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
