That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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