Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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