i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
they're like a gay fantastic four
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
