I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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