how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
that's an acceptable place to lick
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
