he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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