does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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