Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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