So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
