Four minutes until I can fart!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize