I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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