6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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