first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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