in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize