after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
