It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
