So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
