There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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