im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Holy shit dude........stairs
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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