so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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