There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
