Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
