Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
