I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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