I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize