Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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