We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
