I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize