I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
