The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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