no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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