the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
