The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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