My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
