Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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