he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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