I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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