How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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