Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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