I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
