I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
