Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
