Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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