So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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