dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
