he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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