he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
