i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
