I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
