Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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