he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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