no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
