Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Come see our sink grown plant.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
