You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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