whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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