I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
