she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
