omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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