lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize