I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
