I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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