Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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