i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
