Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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