I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so let's talk penis.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize