he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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