We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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