I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize