bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
