There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
