drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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