I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
