Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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