Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
