If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
