he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
