You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize