I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My liver just had a heart attack.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
do nipples grow back?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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