I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
