She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
