Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
