hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
