i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I need moral support for this bender
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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