It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
