Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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