I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
