If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
