What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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