I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
